I’m teeing up for a big summer.
2024 is going to be a marathon, Season 3 of LFG is being booked. I have done a lot of out-reach to make it happen.
All while Amir is taking steps to pull the site together and keep his feet moving while facing forward.
Sometimes the demands of it all seem, intense. But I have people counting on me, so the idea of indulging myself, well that’s not on the table. It’s bad enough to let oneself down but it’s cowardice of the worst order to let your friends down. I’ve had those struggles in the past, not this time. This time I do things right.
In order for all of this to work I have to have the right set of priorities when it comes to my mental approach. The more I write, as I work, the clearer my mind becomes and the more settled my resolve.
First order of business is to finish editing the Erin Warren episode of LFG. I’m about 25% through the episode. I’ve started pulling graphics and weaving in images which will make the flow of the episode smoother and the references we make clearer.
One thing I’ve taken from re-watching everything—I end up watching each episode 4 or 5 times in the process of editing—is a need to let Amir talk a bit more. He’s going to be fronting a little less this season. We’ve talked and since things are tough on the home front for him, I’ll be pulling the lion’s share to keep the show afloat. To an extent, I’m excited about this and nervous. It’s a shitload of work but I can carry it. The thing is, I don’t want the show to become about me. I’m already heavily featured as the Co-Host and with Amir taking a step back, it seems only more likely this will continue. So when Amir does an episode, I really want to set him up for a clean tee-off. I want him to take a golfer’s swing and clear it across the green.
For that to happen some prep work has to be put into planning the episodes more deeply when he’s hosting. And that will come in time as he sets up for the summer too.
As for everything else, I have to keep myself on pace to retake the M.A. exam. After some positive feedback from my Advisor (Professor Devos) I’m pointed in the right direction to make the necessary changes to improve. And what’s more, the department seems to be willing to put some weight behind my efforts.
For the first time it feels like things are going to go my way. Like, I will actually make this breakthrough and clear the trees. Which was never the case before.
So I have to put in the effort to remain humble. LFG is not about me. It’s named after Amir, and technically, it’s not even about him. It’s about the guests.
My master’s degree. It’s not about me. It’s about fulfilling a promise to my family and keeping my word to my students.
For my art, projects like the upcoming poster for Colin, it’s about keeping my word to my friends.
And I have to do another of these memorial posters for Hansel. I’m going to theme his after Angles in the Outfield (using the Blue as a tie-in to the UCLA Bruins).
Which means, things are going to get harder before they get better. I have to keep up work on the Veritas font. I have another character drawing/project I have to return to as a sticker project (making promo for TAD/LFG merch and swag), more videos to edit and stories to write.
Eventually, I’d like to go back to Todd and take guitar lessons again. I’d like to also take a cooking class, a Bachata class and enroll in Spanish courses at the JC. I’d like to keep up with my weight training with Troy. I’m benching 280 LBS but my form is kinda-funky-chicken. My arms migrate upwards as I try to just throw the bar up over head. The fear comes to me as a lower it to my chest. Troy has been pushing me to use the resistance bands as I press using a single plate (135lbs) to really dial-in the elbow form and the sweep/arching movement of the pathway. If the bar sweeps as it raises, from my solar-plexus to my clavicle, while my elbows remain pulled in (using an engaged scapula) then my form will be clean. If I can build this up at a lower weight with a high rep-count, it will translate when I go to a higher weight with a low re-count. This is what will enable me to unlock the 3 plate bench press (315lbs). That’s the goal, personal growth on all levels across all fronts and personal discipline from within.
I find myself sometimes burnt out by all of this. Overwhelmed.
I even find myself resentful at how hard, how much time, how much resistance I encounter. But then I realize how much it is I have achieved and how fast it has happened. I’m 33 this summer and I am racing ahead to my future. Trying to claw my way into a muscle-up which will put me “over the bar” and past that mental threshold. As I lower the Olympic bar, the fear comes, and it’s because the animal part of my brain is worried I will drop it on myself. Yet it is only when resisting the bar as it lowers, that one gets the actual stimulation to the muscle which fosters growth.
Right now, I am under the bar.
And I am being asked to lower it, closer and closer to my chest.
My elbows are doing the funky chicken, and I still have to bring this closer to the chest.
If I panic, I will drop the bar.
And since I am arching the bar, swinging it’s position to change my engagement as it raises and lowers, if I drop it.
It won’t land on my chest.
It will land on my throat.
So I have to keep the fear under control. I have spotters. I have friends, family and mentors trying their best to help me. Watching me, pushing me, waiting for me to stick the landing. Keep my word and follow through. Even if sometimes, I’m just a lame-ass turkey.
I have the strength to throw this bar overhead, cleanly. It’s just a matter of staying calm and remembering this is not about me. It will not happen on my timeline but it will happen—successfully—if I allow myself to surrender control, resist the fear and accept the support of others. They’re only trying to help me. And they can only help me, if I’m willing to kill my pride.
On a side note, I’m still single and—god does it feel good, NOT having something else to worry about.
Gratitude, work and humility, that’s what it takes. I think I can dig a bit deeper for this one.
Best of wishes to you all out there. The struggle is real but so is the pay off.
– Keenan Fry